I guess I'll start with exams, we had our third round of exams set out over these last three weeks. At the beginning of the semester I thought that exams would be better timed if they were one or perhaps two a week at most...turns out I was wrong, dead wrong. Though it does give you more time to study, it also gives you more time to put off studying (which thankfully I haven't done too much of) and mostly it gives you more time to worry about how much you don't know.
Here's the thing I hate most about exams...all the other people taking them. Don't get me wrong I love my classmates, but it is very hard to feel confident around them sometimes. There is an insane amount of material we have to cover for each exam (about 100-150 pages of notes per class per exam) and no matter what you do, or how hard you try you just simply cannot know everything, ok well at least I can't. We study a lot in groups and this tends to be pretty effective, though I have only one close friend that I really study well with. The problem with studying in groups is that you quickly realize there were a few things you missed, (ok, sometimes more than a few). I'll be studying with my "study buddy" and some one will interrupt and say "Hey, can you point out the iliolumbar arteries," WHAT?!? What are those? I don't remember those? When did we go over that? And then panic starts to set in that there is a whole bucketload of material I missed. The truth is I am usually pretty well prepared for exams, and I have just resigned myself to the fact that I will never get a perfect score on an exam, I will never know EVERYTHING. And how could I--there is just so much to learn. Take for instance the last histology exam, mostly over the eye, ear and digestive system. Not so bad right, well...throw in the avian crop, ventriculus and proventriculus, the carnivore special stomach, the rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum of ruminants, and pigs--they're just a whole different story. Thats where it gets complicated. I've said it before, it's not the actual course work that is so difficult, it is simply the shear volume of material.
But, while I have resigned to knowing that I will probably never get a perfect score on an exam, I haven't just given up and decided to only strive "get by". My grades are ok, I have straight "B's" and no matter how hard I work I cannot seem to do better than that. This has been incredibly frustrating for me. I can study for 10 hours or 40 (this is not really exaggerated numbers, I have probably studied close to 40 hours for an exam before) and my grade will only get better by one or two points--what the hell. I work my tail off and have nothing to show for it. I feel like my grades should be a direct relationship with the amount of time I spend studying--a linear graph if you will. This whole thing had me so upset that I made and appointment with my faculty mentor. My frustration was with whether or not to just "give up" and decide that a "B" is the best that I can do (ouch! that hurts, I have never had to say that before) or to keep killing myself just to get an "A" (after all does it really matter anyway?). He was great and basically told me that I was not the first person to encounter this, and that it is actually very common. And not to resign myself to just getting a "B". He told me that usually something clicks, my study habits, my schedule, the information, whatever it is clicks and the amount of time I put in will start equating with better grades. I loved this advice...though I don't love having to work so freakin hard for these grades. CLICK ALREADY!!!
So, I took the last of this series of exams today. A four hour anatomy exam, and I am pooped. Burnt out and soooo ready for Thanksgiving break. Hopefully, my week worth of studying will translate into my first "A" in anatomy. I am really looking forward to this weekend where no imminent studying will mock me from my office (though I do have several things I need to catch up on). I can sleep in, clean house, and play with my dogs for a change. What are their names again? And, perhaps, I will do a little updating on here. 'Cause there is a whole lot to catch up on. Tomorrow, look for my next post...what the inside of a cow feels like from the backside. (See I told you I had a lot to catch up on!)
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