FInal Freakout

I just went back and read my very first post, about how scared and anxious I was to actually be starting school. It is a feeling I remember quite well, something some friends and I were commenting on the other day. Joe asked us all if we had any idea at the start of all this, that vet school would really be this hard and draining and tiring and frustrating and endless. No, we all replied. But, I also chimed in that I never thought I could have so much fun over such menial things, make such incredible friends, that my marriage would actually be better off (not that it was rocky to begin with) and mostly that I could actually make it through first year. I suppose I should save all this reminiscing of first year until it's actually over though, I'll wait 'till next week when I am FINALLY DONE WITH FIRST YEAR!!! Until then though, I am up to my eyeballs in finals.

I am trying to stay more on top of studying this semester than last, remembering to run and sleep and eat well. So far so good, but finals don't start until next week. We have already taken a few "finals" in one hour classes and a few labs--more out of the way is better. And I learned a few things, especially from my physical exam final. The assignment was to choose a species (canine, feline, bovine or equine) and preform a complete physical exam with proper history taking, note taking and communication. Dress, professionalism, efficiency, knowledge of the subject and physical exam skills were the criteria on which we were being graded. It is difficult to actually study for something like this, I mean where exactly do you start? I thought about just walking up to random ranchers and asking if they could take some time out of their day to chute a cow and let me poke and prod her, but I didn't actually go that route. Instead I went the same ol' route I use for studying for every other class, I memorized. Our professors HATE that we memorize things, they want us to integrate the information, utilize it in our day to day lives. But the cold hard truth is that when you are never allowed to see live animals it's a little hard to "integrate" clinical signs for Equine Protazoal Myelitis. So, we memorize. Turns out that was NOT a good idea with the physical exam final. I was so focused on making sure I didn't miss palpating any lymph nodes, that I checked the udder, got an ear tag, worked in a systematic fashion...that I completely forgot to ask big bold blaring things that were staring me right in the face.

Here's the situation: dairy cow (Holstein), 3 months fresh (that means she calved 3 months ago) now has watery diarrhea. So I asked, what ration is she on? Is her milk production down? Is she vaccinated? Is she eating? Is she lame? How's her urination habits? (For you cow people out there this seems like a ridiculous question, and it is, but our small animal professor FORCED us to ask this--she said we would fail if we didn't). Questions that I forgot to ask that should have been FIRST on my list: Are any other cows/calves affected? When was the last time she was dewormed? (seriously, probably the most important question.) What's her water intake? Is this a closed herd? I also keenly forgot to check her hydration status. IDIOT. So, lesson learned--don't memorize for the real world. I was so focused on making it through my memorized list, I missed the entire disease and diagnosis because I memorized some stupid list. And I know better. I actually did pretty well on the exam- grade wise. The clinician was impressed with my physical exam skill, but he did mention that the diagnosis was basically staring me in the face and I just shoved it out of the way to find the pre-scapular lymph node. Damn.

So, as I prepare for finals I will try to practice what I preach and not memorize. But, there is just so much information and not any good way to integrate it right now. So, I think I'll just try to manually shove it in and pray some of it stays there until 4th year. Here's to finals!!!

The Power of Prayer

If you've been following this blog throughout this semester, then you know it's been a rough one. They tell us the hardest one we'll ever have and for that I am eternally grateful--because of course, only 3 more weeks and its over! I have had it particularly rough this semester, with the italians here, exam after exam after exam, and strawberry jam guy mucking up my semester (more on him later). A few weeks ago I finally got to the point that I believed I was literally at my wits end (and if you know me at all, you know I only use the word literally--literally not just for emphasis). The week after spring break we had our neuro midterm and anatomy "horse final" on the same week, back to back days. These were potentially, excluding finals, the biggest exams of the semester. I started studying well into spring break for both, it was just an insurmountable amount of material. The day of the neuro midterm came, Thursday, and I felt decent about the exam I had taken. It is always such a crap shoot. The whole point is to entice you to study ALL the material, of course you'll only be tested on about 1/8th of it, but in the end you learned it ALL, I guess that's the important part. The hard part about these exams is that you are required to recall, regurgitate, incorporate and draw conclusions about difficult concepts in 70 seconds. Lab exams are NEVER just ID the organ/foramen/artery/ganglia--you must actually infer something about said structure. Take for example: "The lower motor neurons passing through this foramen have cellbodies in which brain localization areas?" The orbital fissure was tagged. Not only do you need to know that A. this is the orbital fissure, you must also know what nerves exit the braincase here, which ones carry ONLY lower motor neuron fibers, and where the cellbodies for said neurons originate in the brain. If given time, I could have deduced the correct answer, but that's a LOT to piece together in 70 seconds. I ended up doing perfectly fine on the midterm (high "B" I'll take it!!) but it was the aftermath that really taught me the lesson.

I went home that night utterly spent. I had been studying 5-6 hours a day plus still going to all classes, I was only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep a night (of course I usually only get 5-6) and I was just sure that I couldn't study any more/harder/longer/with any more success. I had literally done all I could do and I knew it was still not good enough. So, I did what most people would do...I called my Mama. I somehow managed not to cry, I'm pretty sure I was just beyond tears at that point. I told here I wasn't sure I could do this, and that I was seriously questioning my career choice. ( I was, I kept thinking, I am paying for this? I could have a normal job right now, a normal WELL PAYING JOB!) I asked her if she would please call her prayer circle. I felt really odd asking this request. After all, its only school, not cancer or a car accident or a sick child, but the truth is I NEEDED HELP! I was at the end of my pool of strength and I only know of one other source. I knew I needed a few more hours of focused study (that I wasn't sure my brain could take) sleep, a willingness to do well on the test, and an attitude change.

Mom came through, she called several people, some of whom I don't even know and remarkably they gladly began praying for me--I cannot begin to express what a humbling experience that is. To have people you haven't seen in ages or perhaps have never met to spend their time doing the most personal thing one person can do for another is beyond my scope of humanity. Those people began to call others I don't even know and before I knew it Mom called back and assured me that "the wheels of prayer were rolling for me."

I got home that night with a "magically" (holy magic) induced focus, I was able to successfully study and actually retain the information. But, the most tangible effect of the prayers being said for me didn't "take effect" until the next day. I woke up (from a very restful sleep) with a changed heart, I knew that the test would be difficult and long but that I was mentally prepared for the battle. I knew that I had done EVERYTHING in my power to prepare and even illicited some divine powers as well. I did well on the exam, but the grade is not the point. I don't believe that God gives you the answers to exams, and he didn't. What He did do, was restore my focus, allow me to really rest, and change my attitude to see that I really could accomplish this. I was calm during the exam, even when I knew I didn't know the answers, I was focused and able to easily recall the information that I did know. These exams are 4+ hours long so focus and stamina are CRITICAL in exam strategy. He gave me that. The prayers have changed my entire semester (Mom tells me they are continuing to pray). I am no longer on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I can sleep again, and I find time to study and time to relax a little easier now. It was as if I was trying to find my way through a dark tunnel with only pieces of a map. Now, though I may still only have pieces of the map, I have a light that is helping to guide me, not get me there on a fast track--but light my path and make it so much easier.

I didn't get the best Anatomy grade I have ever gotten. But, not the worst either. I did get a renewed sense of goal, and a very well learned lesson. Vet school is a test of more than just knowledge. It will test your marriage, your friendships, your goals, and at times even your self worth. I count myself among the lucky, I have a faith that helps me to see beyond the worldly and put things in a higher perspective. I learned my lesson that week, that it is difficult but worth it to humble yourself enough to ask for prayers, to ask for help from the only real source of it. I also learned that humbling and asking probably should have been the FIRST thing I did.

Psalms 119:105 "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

This much closer

This semester is drawing to a close, well ok maybe I'm forcing the issue slightly because I am so damned ready for it to be over. Only 4 more weeks now, not including finals of course. I really feel like it is downhill from here now. Only one exam a week (and a quiz in neuro every week but who's counting). I knocked out a whole lot of "extra" stuff last week. My husbandry rotation, this time with the horse, not as fun as the ostrich--so much more dull. I also got my palpation exam over with last week in large animal anatomy. I did fairly well. I could've done better. But, with only 7% of my grade on the line for this little palpation exam, I just didn't believe it was worth beating my head against the wall for. I got a high B, and I am pleased enough with that. This week only virology. We finally finished up with mycology and bacteriology (shoot me) and now we move on to our final professor of the semester (number 13 I kid you not, for just the one class). Dr. Virology is a no-bullshit kind of guy. He likes things a certain way and is incredibly OCD about his lecture time and course content. I really appreciate the organization, and the down to business attitude. He has rubbed a few people the wrong way, but in general they were the people that needed a little roughing up to begin with. I am looking forward to his exam (did I just say that?!?) he has presented the material in a very organized way, all I have to do is learn it. I know that sounds simple but many of the professors expect you to sort through their discombobled notes, unorganized lecture style, 7 different "supplemental" texts and a hieroglyphic code known only to long lost pygmy tribes to come up with the material that needs to be studied.

We had our second exam in Public Hell (that's public health, remember strawberry jam guy?) on Friday. I feel more confident about this one, there were no anchovie questions, but he did throw in a question about the different regulatory agencies for shell eggs versus egg products--seriously this is how our government operates, we have two different agencies for different types of "eggs".

In non vet school related life (my life is starting to re-emerge again, yay!!) I started the seedlings for my garden today. I am still, with husband's help, working on preparing the soil and fencing for my large garden patch in the backyard. I will hopefully (fingers crossed) be able to devote about 30 minutes a night to garden maintenance and all should be well when its time to transplant my little seedlings. Also, I potentially have a J-O-B for the summer, no more about that though, I don't want to jinx it until I'm sure.

I'll be holed up studying virology the next few nights, and then moving on to Physiology for next Monday. Maybe, with the Grace of God, I'll be able to see the sunshine a few days this week. Afterall, it is springtime in Texas, the bluebonnets are up, the sun is shining and my vitamin D levels could really use the boost!!!