Thursday, August 13, 2009

Here we go...


I am at T-11 days until class begins, and I am beginning to get really excited, nervous, heart in my throat kind of feeling. Oddly, though I am 26 years old, this feeling is strangely similar to that first day of kindergarten, junior high, high school, new school kind of feeling. I am worried that I won't have friends, worried that it will be too hard, that my professors will be mean. See, I sound like a mousy 6th grader.

Up until now, my entire career focus has been solely placed on simply getting in to vet school. The spring and summer months were filled with elation and that "new car smell" of actually accomplishing this. Now, it's down to the wire, and getting in means I'll actually have to go. I have purchased all my books, new boxes of gloves, and I even have crisp new lab coat. I remember packing my backpack for the first day of kindergarten (probably because it's on video). I packed my box of Kleenex, sharpened pencils, big chief tablet, and for moral support a stuffed puppy dog. Mom promptly made be leave behind the dog, after all I was a big girl now and they don't allow stuffed animals in kindergarten. I don't even know where that stuffed dog is, or if mom even still has him, but I feel the same need...to cling to something familiar. Maybe I should call her and see if she could ship him to me, he'll fit nicely in the front pocket of my book bag.

However many nerves I feel about this new venture in my life, I feel double excited for the whole thing. I am the kind of person that doesn't think long about major decisions--I don't test the water--I just dive in headfirst. I am really ready to get started. I know myself well enough to know that those initial jitters will last about 31 seconds. I'll sit down at orientation, strike up a conversation, say something sarcastic, get a laugh, and I'll be totally comfortable in my new environment. Though I wonder why in the world they let me in to vet school in the first place, on my first try...I know that the review board knew I could handle the stress, rigor and pressure that comes with the territory. And, somewhere deep down I know I can handle it too. The truth is I have been incredibly blessed to have this opportunity at all, and I know it.

I did horribly shitty my first year of undergrad and decided that I needed a break from school. Though my family hated it, the three year hiatus was exactly what I needed to get back on track. I moved back home to Texas (after a move to wretched Colorado*** in 10th grade) worked, and re-established my Texas residency. I had a great job for a 21 year old. And I was making what I thought was great money. But, you can only go so far without a degree or any kind of training and I quickly hit the ceiling on that "career". And, I was truly an unhappy person, I was cynical and mad most of the time at work, and didn't treat the people closest to me the way I should have. So, I quit, got a part time job as a dog bather, and went back to school.

The road through undergrad was bumpy--I got great grades and worked pretty hard--but changed Universities as often as I changed my underwear. I thought this would hurt my admission chances for vet school...turns out it didn't. In the midst of quitting my job and going back to school I met my future husband. (Future then, current now) I was his boss on my last trip before I quit. He called out of the blue almost a year later, we talked for hours. He drove 7 hours to "surprise" me a week later. We started dating in November, engaged in April and married in June. When you know you know. Husband is the most incredible person. When I think about the fact that he works 12 hour days, saves every penny he can, forgoes things that he wants to buy, all so I can concentrate on school and not have to work, I am blown away at his dedication. All the more reason I have to do this. Of course we have a deal, he puts me through school, then he can relax...I'm sure he's counting the days.

In addition to my incredibly committed husband, I have an amazing family that supports me. My mother, sister, cousins and grandparents have endured countless phone calls about shitty professors, rising tuition rates, poor test grades, etc. And they always just remind me why I'm doing this in the first place, and readjust my focus. I'm pretty lucky.

So, that's pretty much where I sit right now, sooo ready to jump on this horse and ride it, but still feeling like a lost kindergartner (who will be my lunch buddies?) Orientation starts on Wednesday, I suppose that'll be a good "break in" until then, I'm gonna look for my stuffed puppy dog.


***Sorry to offend any Native Coloradoans or people that love the state. Though I made great friends there, and learned a lot about myself, I never wanted to be there in the first place. I love my Texas

No comments:

Post a Comment