can ya tell I'm busy?

So, we"re 4 weeks in now.  This week is our first round of exams, then one more next week.  Several courses this semester seem to rely more heavily on outside assignments for grades rather than just exams.  This has its good and bad points.  Of course, one usually does better on homework assignments, the trouble is finding the time to do them.  Oh well, it'll get done.  I do my best work about 3 minutes before something's due anyway.


So far this semester is so drastically different than last year.  The labs actually help to reinforce what we are learning, not just teaching you completely separate things, this is a nice change.  We technically are taking more hours this semester (22 I think) but it certainly feels like less.  The classes are more intense though, and staying caught up is key--I of course don't adhere to this very well, but I am really trying.  Bugs and drugs are taking over my life...parasitology and pharmacology pretty much consume my free time.  But at least I find it interesting.  And who knew a you tell maggots apart by there tracheas?  This is excellent info I am certain I will use again.  Is the sarcasm coming across?


I am also strangely enjoying working this semester.  Someday's it's super boring, but other days are spent at the farm doing physical exams, trimming feet, vaccinating, palpating, and just generally being in the sunshine.  It is a nice break from the 9-5 school all day routine.  And a lot of what I do is reinforcing what I learn in class.  Someday's I just wash glass ware and clean up after people, but other days I really love it.  Mostly, I think I like it because it's a change, I am not stuck in the building all day.  Maybe my vitamin D levels will go up this year.


I wish I had more stories to tell, but not a lot has happened yet.  That may change after I get these first exams returned, but until then I'm fine  sitting on my little ray of sunshine : )

Sharpening my pencils

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another school year, and the close of another summer--my next to last one I might add. I haven't been posting all summer because I wasn't in school and didn't feel that any comments I had would necessarily pertain to this blog. In retrospect, I think I was wrong. But, live and learn right?

I had an amazing summer. First, I took an additional elective course that was a 6 day tour of production agriculture in Texas and veterinary medicine within production agriculture. I learned so much more than I anticipated learning, and more importantly I nailed down my final career choice. I know for sure now that I want to be a production medicine vet. It is a very different aspect of medicine that, admittedly, is not for most students. I won't bore you with the details (unless you're just dying to know) about the differences in traditional practice and production medicine practice. The important part of this whole decision is that I feel like my goals are even more solidified now. Yes, not only will I graduate as a vet ( a big goal) but I know what kind of vet I want to be, I know where in this HUGE state I want to practice, I know where to start seeking externships, jobs and mentors. I know where to focus my attention. It's a little like trying to navigate roads with a paper map, versus a GPS system. I have always known where it is I want to go, now I feel like I have a direct plan for getting there and all the other roads, and potential paths are nice to know, but essentially its just scenery. I realize that the vast majority of vet students change their plan sometime during school. I haven't really changed my goal, I just solidified it--I found the niche that I didn't know existed for me.

So I will walk in to class tomorrow with a better focus, and that feels pretty amazing. Surprisingly, I am actually ready to go back to class. I had a nice relaxing summer, had some good vacations and family time, but I also learned a TON and it makes me hungry for more. The sooner I go back, the sooner I graduate, right? This year is going to be difficult, classes certainly don't get easier. I am facing pharmacology, paristology, pathology, and domestic animal nutrition. The good news is NO ANATOMY!!! Anatomy was a time vacuum and it will not be missed. While theoretically I should have extra time this semester, I have also chosen to work (only 10 hours a week) to help Husband pay some bills. I got a new truck this summer and I just didn't feel right making him pay for EVERYTHING. I will be keeping the same job I had over the summer, (I'll post a separate post about my summer later) its right on campus and is so valuable for practical hands on knowledge that I actually think it will benefit my retention rather than detract from study time. That's my hope anyway, we'll see how it goes!

So I'm spending today cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking, gardening, and sharpening my pencils, so that I feel ready to start fresh tomorrow. I am not nearly as nervous as last year, in fact not nervous at all, which makes me a little nervous. I feel like I know the ropes, know the system, and I have great friends...I am so ready for second year. Typing that makes me laugh, I have said that before, like the time I went skiing. I looked up the mountain and the lift and thought how hard can this be? I arrived at the top of the mountain, looked down, fell and then promptly asked if my lift ticket was good for a two-way trip. (It was!) I realize that saying I am ready to start, and being so happy that first year is over will last until about October when I am knee deep in hemonchus contortis, and cardiac glycosides, and I will want to throw in the towel and sell Amway for a living. But, a healthy dose of optimism never hurt anyone, right?

FInal Freakout

I just went back and read my very first post, about how scared and anxious I was to actually be starting school. It is a feeling I remember quite well, something some friends and I were commenting on the other day. Joe asked us all if we had any idea at the start of all this, that vet school would really be this hard and draining and tiring and frustrating and endless. No, we all replied. But, I also chimed in that I never thought I could have so much fun over such menial things, make such incredible friends, that my marriage would actually be better off (not that it was rocky to begin with) and mostly that I could actually make it through first year. I suppose I should save all this reminiscing of first year until it's actually over though, I'll wait 'till next week when I am FINALLY DONE WITH FIRST YEAR!!! Until then though, I am up to my eyeballs in finals.

I am trying to stay more on top of studying this semester than last, remembering to run and sleep and eat well. So far so good, but finals don't start until next week. We have already taken a few "finals" in one hour classes and a few labs--more out of the way is better. And I learned a few things, especially from my physical exam final. The assignment was to choose a species (canine, feline, bovine or equine) and preform a complete physical exam with proper history taking, note taking and communication. Dress, professionalism, efficiency, knowledge of the subject and physical exam skills were the criteria on which we were being graded. It is difficult to actually study for something like this, I mean where exactly do you start? I thought about just walking up to random ranchers and asking if they could take some time out of their day to chute a cow and let me poke and prod her, but I didn't actually go that route. Instead I went the same ol' route I use for studying for every other class, I memorized. Our professors HATE that we memorize things, they want us to integrate the information, utilize it in our day to day lives. But the cold hard truth is that when you are never allowed to see live animals it's a little hard to "integrate" clinical signs for Equine Protazoal Myelitis. So, we memorize. Turns out that was NOT a good idea with the physical exam final. I was so focused on making sure I didn't miss palpating any lymph nodes, that I checked the udder, got an ear tag, worked in a systematic fashion...that I completely forgot to ask big bold blaring things that were staring me right in the face.

Here's the situation: dairy cow (Holstein), 3 months fresh (that means she calved 3 months ago) now has watery diarrhea. So I asked, what ration is she on? Is her milk production down? Is she vaccinated? Is she eating? Is she lame? How's her urination habits? (For you cow people out there this seems like a ridiculous question, and it is, but our small animal professor FORCED us to ask this--she said we would fail if we didn't). Questions that I forgot to ask that should have been FIRST on my list: Are any other cows/calves affected? When was the last time she was dewormed? (seriously, probably the most important question.) What's her water intake? Is this a closed herd? I also keenly forgot to check her hydration status. IDIOT. So, lesson learned--don't memorize for the real world. I was so focused on making it through my memorized list, I missed the entire disease and diagnosis because I memorized some stupid list. And I know better. I actually did pretty well on the exam- grade wise. The clinician was impressed with my physical exam skill, but he did mention that the diagnosis was basically staring me in the face and I just shoved it out of the way to find the pre-scapular lymph node. Damn.

So, as I prepare for finals I will try to practice what I preach and not memorize. But, there is just so much information and not any good way to integrate it right now. So, I think I'll just try to manually shove it in and pray some of it stays there until 4th year. Here's to finals!!!

The Power of Prayer

If you've been following this blog throughout this semester, then you know it's been a rough one. They tell us the hardest one we'll ever have and for that I am eternally grateful--because of course, only 3 more weeks and its over! I have had it particularly rough this semester, with the italians here, exam after exam after exam, and strawberry jam guy mucking up my semester (more on him later). A few weeks ago I finally got to the point that I believed I was literally at my wits end (and if you know me at all, you know I only use the word literally--literally not just for emphasis). The week after spring break we had our neuro midterm and anatomy "horse final" on the same week, back to back days. These were potentially, excluding finals, the biggest exams of the semester. I started studying well into spring break for both, it was just an insurmountable amount of material. The day of the neuro midterm came, Thursday, and I felt decent about the exam I had taken. It is always such a crap shoot. The whole point is to entice you to study ALL the material, of course you'll only be tested on about 1/8th of it, but in the end you learned it ALL, I guess that's the important part. The hard part about these exams is that you are required to recall, regurgitate, incorporate and draw conclusions about difficult concepts in 70 seconds. Lab exams are NEVER just ID the organ/foramen/artery/ganglia--you must actually infer something about said structure. Take for example: "The lower motor neurons passing through this foramen have cellbodies in which brain localization areas?" The orbital fissure was tagged. Not only do you need to know that A. this is the orbital fissure, you must also know what nerves exit the braincase here, which ones carry ONLY lower motor neuron fibers, and where the cellbodies for said neurons originate in the brain. If given time, I could have deduced the correct answer, but that's a LOT to piece together in 70 seconds. I ended up doing perfectly fine on the midterm (high "B" I'll take it!!) but it was the aftermath that really taught me the lesson.

I went home that night utterly spent. I had been studying 5-6 hours a day plus still going to all classes, I was only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep a night (of course I usually only get 5-6) and I was just sure that I couldn't study any more/harder/longer/with any more success. I had literally done all I could do and I knew it was still not good enough. So, I did what most people would do...I called my Mama. I somehow managed not to cry, I'm pretty sure I was just beyond tears at that point. I told here I wasn't sure I could do this, and that I was seriously questioning my career choice. ( I was, I kept thinking, I am paying for this? I could have a normal job right now, a normal WELL PAYING JOB!) I asked her if she would please call her prayer circle. I felt really odd asking this request. After all, its only school, not cancer or a car accident or a sick child, but the truth is I NEEDED HELP! I was at the end of my pool of strength and I only know of one other source. I knew I needed a few more hours of focused study (that I wasn't sure my brain could take) sleep, a willingness to do well on the test, and an attitude change.

Mom came through, she called several people, some of whom I don't even know and remarkably they gladly began praying for me--I cannot begin to express what a humbling experience that is. To have people you haven't seen in ages or perhaps have never met to spend their time doing the most personal thing one person can do for another is beyond my scope of humanity. Those people began to call others I don't even know and before I knew it Mom called back and assured me that "the wheels of prayer were rolling for me."

I got home that night with a "magically" (holy magic) induced focus, I was able to successfully study and actually retain the information. But, the most tangible effect of the prayers being said for me didn't "take effect" until the next day. I woke up (from a very restful sleep) with a changed heart, I knew that the test would be difficult and long but that I was mentally prepared for the battle. I knew that I had done EVERYTHING in my power to prepare and even illicited some divine powers as well. I did well on the exam, but the grade is not the point. I don't believe that God gives you the answers to exams, and he didn't. What He did do, was restore my focus, allow me to really rest, and change my attitude to see that I really could accomplish this. I was calm during the exam, even when I knew I didn't know the answers, I was focused and able to easily recall the information that I did know. These exams are 4+ hours long so focus and stamina are CRITICAL in exam strategy. He gave me that. The prayers have changed my entire semester (Mom tells me they are continuing to pray). I am no longer on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I can sleep again, and I find time to study and time to relax a little easier now. It was as if I was trying to find my way through a dark tunnel with only pieces of a map. Now, though I may still only have pieces of the map, I have a light that is helping to guide me, not get me there on a fast track--but light my path and make it so much easier.

I didn't get the best Anatomy grade I have ever gotten. But, not the worst either. I did get a renewed sense of goal, and a very well learned lesson. Vet school is a test of more than just knowledge. It will test your marriage, your friendships, your goals, and at times even your self worth. I count myself among the lucky, I have a faith that helps me to see beyond the worldly and put things in a higher perspective. I learned my lesson that week, that it is difficult but worth it to humble yourself enough to ask for prayers, to ask for help from the only real source of it. I also learned that humbling and asking probably should have been the FIRST thing I did.

Psalms 119:105 "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

This much closer

This semester is drawing to a close, well ok maybe I'm forcing the issue slightly because I am so damned ready for it to be over. Only 4 more weeks now, not including finals of course. I really feel like it is downhill from here now. Only one exam a week (and a quiz in neuro every week but who's counting). I knocked out a whole lot of "extra" stuff last week. My husbandry rotation, this time with the horse, not as fun as the ostrich--so much more dull. I also got my palpation exam over with last week in large animal anatomy. I did fairly well. I could've done better. But, with only 7% of my grade on the line for this little palpation exam, I just didn't believe it was worth beating my head against the wall for. I got a high B, and I am pleased enough with that. This week only virology. We finally finished up with mycology and bacteriology (shoot me) and now we move on to our final professor of the semester (number 13 I kid you not, for just the one class). Dr. Virology is a no-bullshit kind of guy. He likes things a certain way and is incredibly OCD about his lecture time and course content. I really appreciate the organization, and the down to business attitude. He has rubbed a few people the wrong way, but in general they were the people that needed a little roughing up to begin with. I am looking forward to his exam (did I just say that?!?) he has presented the material in a very organized way, all I have to do is learn it. I know that sounds simple but many of the professors expect you to sort through their discombobled notes, unorganized lecture style, 7 different "supplemental" texts and a hieroglyphic code known only to long lost pygmy tribes to come up with the material that needs to be studied.

We had our second exam in Public Hell (that's public health, remember strawberry jam guy?) on Friday. I feel more confident about this one, there were no anchovie questions, but he did throw in a question about the different regulatory agencies for shell eggs versus egg products--seriously this is how our government operates, we have two different agencies for different types of "eggs".

In non vet school related life (my life is starting to re-emerge again, yay!!) I started the seedlings for my garden today. I am still, with husband's help, working on preparing the soil and fencing for my large garden patch in the backyard. I will hopefully (fingers crossed) be able to devote about 30 minutes a night to garden maintenance and all should be well when its time to transplant my little seedlings. Also, I potentially have a J-O-B for the summer, no more about that though, I don't want to jinx it until I'm sure.

I'll be holed up studying virology the next few nights, and then moving on to Physiology for next Monday. Maybe, with the Grace of God, I'll be able to see the sunshine a few days this week. Afterall, it is springtime in Texas, the bluebonnets are up, the sun is shining and my vitamin D levels could really use the boost!!!

breaking into spring

This is my last official day of spring break. Though I still have the weekend. I spent this week catching up with my Mom who came to visit. Spending time with my hubby, drinking for St. Patty's day, planting flowers and most of all NOT STUDYING! (though I really must get on that we have 2 tests next week, I believe I'll spend all of this weekend hitting the books) It has been absolutely amazing not having stress, feeling like a normal person with a normal life, getting some sun (I'm pretty sure my vitamin D deficiency is in it's chronic stages) and generally just relaxing.

Yesterday, my friend and I had plans to head down to the Houston livestock show and rodeo and shadow the on site vet who just happens to be one of our clinicians. Dr. Rodeo was so perfectly nice and accommodating. We still can't do much, because we have so little clinical knowledge, but we did get to put some of the pieces together with some of the things we have learned this year (what bacteria causes foot rot, what's the withdrawl time for banamine, how long bovine gestation is, ect). One of the major things about yesterday was that we spent a lot of time around actual clients. We do get to see a lot of cases even in our first year of class, but we never, never, never get to deal with the clients. I learned yesterday that I think that is where my education may fall short, the relationship with the client is about 85% of my job. We will get to interact with clients our 4th year in clinics, and in summers on externships if we choose, but not until then. I suppose I understand why, I can see how we could really screw that up--we just don't know enough yet. I was astounded yesterday when our first case was a heifer that was supposedly calving. She wasn't you could tell by looking at her, but the young man that owned her was just sure she was in distress and would plop out a calf at any minute. We kept trying to reassure him that all was well, and she would deliver in her own time, but he insisted on never leaving her side (he even slept on a bale of hay in her pen the previous night and woke up every hour to check on her). As we walked away I asked Dr. Rodeo why he was so worked up about something that was really not that big of a deal. "He doesn't know what you know, as the Dr. it's your job to teach him."

Dr. Rodeo had another conversation with a client that got rather heated. He owned a sow that was having an allergic reaction to something and was developing hives. She explained that the sow was going to slaughter tomorrow and therefore couldn't be treated with anything. The client was not satisfied with that and continued to argue and push her. She didn't budge. I watched wandering the whole time what I would've done in that situation. The rules are cut and dry, and giving that sow something could've cost her her license. But, dealing with that situation is not something they've taught us how to do, at least not yet.

I actually used to be really great with clients, back before I really knew what I was doing. Now, I've been taught to focus on the medicine and the animal so much that it's hard to see past that. I was told that sometimes vet school will make you loose your common sense. I hadn't really noticed it was true until yesterday (though I'm sure my husband would say differently). I really need to find an externship this summer where I can be back in the real world. It'd be nice to be able to talk to people again.

Would you like my card???

This semester is almost over, almost almost, only 6 weeks left. Can you tell I'm sOooooooo ready for it to be done. Only 1 more anatomy test, only 1 more physiology test, one more micro, then finals (but I'll deal with those later, lets just focus on the big stuff). First, an update on the public health exam (the one with the strawberry jam question) he had to curve the class close to 30 points to bring the grades to passing. I felt slightly bad about this at first, until I reasoned that we are all very intelligent, we all studied and why do I care about freaking strawberry jam anyway. I ended up with a high "B" on that exam--I'll take it.

Back in February there were elections for a few open positions in the vet school. One of them sounded interesting to me so I ran. I was actually really really excited for this position...the description made it seem right up my alley. The position was the junior delegate for the Texas Veterinary Medical Association. I would be responsible for going to conventions, organizing student committees, organizing meetings, and be the liaison between the organization and the student body. I would work as an assistant to the senior delegate, and as a two year elected position, next year I would become the senior delegate. It didn't sound like too much work, and I got to be involved in a professional organization, not just a student organization, so I ran. And I won, apparently by a landslide but that really doesn't matter, just that I won.

The position actually turned out to be so much better than it was originally pitched to us. I sit on the student executive committee ( the head committee that oversee's all student clubs, functions and regulations). I get paid to go to the two annual conferences each year, I sit on the board of directors for one of the largest state VMA's, and I have business cards. (This is the coolest part to me, I am such a dork for LOVING the fact that I get business cards, but I don't care).

The weekend just before spring break was the annual conference held this year in College Station. I knew I was to attend but I had no idea what was in store for me. I spent the weekend sitting on committees, in board of directors meetings, in continuing education courses, and basically rubbing elbows with the big-wigs and practitioners in my profession. As I type this it actually sounds really boring, but the truth is, it was such a completely perfect weekend. It reminded me just how lucky I am to be following this dream, and how grateful I am to have gotten into vet school. The whole convention was at a major hotel that catered everything. We had all of our meals catered, our coffee refilled as we sat in meetings, basically full service. I'm sure to most people this seems so normal, and perhaps it is. But, there was a time, not so long ago that I was on the other side of the table--I was the one pouring coffee and clearing dirty plates, desperately wishing that I was something bigger, better, and more meaningful. I have never once questioned that quitting the restaurant was the right choice, but sitting there actually having a small piece of my dream realized was a really major moment for me. I am eternally grateful for the road the Lord leads me down.

Beyond just getting to feel like I was a part of something, I had a really great time at the conference. Practitioners wanted to talk to me, wanted to hear about my experience in school, they shared their wisdom and advice for getting through it, they offered me externships, and then, then--they asked for my card! (I know here I go with the dorky card stuff again) I felt beyond "adult" to be able to whip one out and hand it over. The cards make me feel like I've arrived, and in some ways I have. More than just getting asked for my card, and getting externship offers, I actually had several job offers. I'm just a first year, and I told them that, but it didn't seem to phase them. It was nice to know that just being involved, and acting professional goes such a long way. I'm not so scared of finding a job now, a little scared that I'll actually have to find one sooner than I think, but at least at ease that I already have a few standing offers.

It was an incredible weekend. We were expected to be at all of the evening social functions, and we drank for free. And as much as I loved that all my drinks were paid for (because I'm so cool I'm on the board of directors) I loved it even more that I was not the one pouring the drinks.

and all at once it hit me...

Others in my class have been complaining for a while that this semester was harder than the previous one, that they were feeling overwhelmed and that this was gonna be a tough one. Until last week, I hadn't thought that, then all at once it hit.

Last week was a complete blur. I volunteered to host an Italian veterinary student that was visiting with other students from her school for a week. I stupidly offered to do this before I knew confirmed dates that they would be here, and because we were told they spoke english...they LIED. Had I known it would have been last week, I would have politely declined. I had 3 exams last week, a project due and NO TIME FOR ANY OF IT!!! On top of all that the Italian students expected that we (their hosts) were going to not only be their shuttle to and from school, but also their social director after class and well into the night, that's a job in itself. Add to that shuttling six of them to the mall, restaurants, and different clubs when none of them speak english and you must translate into a language that you don't speak (can you see the stress level rising? My eyebrow is starting to twitch just remembering it) I didn't get home before 11:30 any night last week, and when you rise at 5:30, that starts to get really really old. On top of not getting in until 11:30, I still had to study for the next exam. I was beyond exhausted by Wednesday of last week and I had a breakdown on a good friend's front steps. My poor friend opened the door to let me in to study with her, I tried hard to conceal my tears, but as soon as she opened the door...the floodgates burst. She is such an awesome friend. She grabbed me, hugged me and then promptly handed me a glass of wine. As I sat in her kitchen, collecting myself she asked if I had eaten dinner. I started to cry again realizing that I had forgotten to eat (who does that?). "Great!" she said, "I will make you pancakes." I know, it sound really really odd--pancakes and wine, but it was the best dinner I had all week. And for that particular night, just what the doctor ordered. I felt better after only 2 pancakes and 1 glass of wine. I even got a little studying done that evening. It was a trying week, I had another breakdown on Thursday, this time over the phone to my Mom. I sound flippant about this now, in hindsight it is comical, but it takes EXTREME pressure to send me to my breaking point, and to do it twice in one week was just unheard of. (I only had a mini-breakdown during finals last semester) To add to the extreme stress, husband was out of town for the majority of the week, overseeing repairs to our home in Houston. I was all alone...except the Italian of course. (Which, just to be clear was perfectly adorable. She brought me special pasta, sauce and a bottle of olive oil her family makes...wow! None of this was really her fault, just bad communication and poor timing.) Oh, yeah did I mention the power steering in my car went out around Wednesday? Awesome.

The tests did not go well. But, on the bright side, they didn't go well for anyone (I'll pretend that's the bright side). I wasn't alone in my "whelming" we were collectively feeling the pressure. My final test of the week was an exam in a 1 hour course called "Public Health". The course deals with zoonotic diseases (diseases people can catch from animals) and how we report them, what agency handles the report and other important information. The exam was a complete joke. Rather than test us on important veterinary concepts, he chose to test us on "The international agency that would oversee the recipe for strawberry jam" (not kidding, direct quote) There was also a question regarding sardines, ham and I think one about edible shell eggs. I have no idea how or why this fits into veterinary medicine. But, you never know, maybe I'll regret not paying attention when a sick sardine comes into my clinic. (I'm still bitter, can ya tell?)

The good news is...its over. This week is a new week. I got some much needed rest this weekend, and caught up on some studying, though I still have a lot more to do. (when do I not?) I went running tonight to prevent any building stress for the week, and after our exam tomorrow we will no longer have embryology, one whole class knocked out for the semester. (though it is being replaced with a tougher class) I am glad I got through last week, at some points I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. I learned some very important lessons, 1. never offer to host another student before you know EXACTLY what you are getting yourself into. 2. you can never study enough for microbiology 3. Apparently, I might one day treat a sick jar of strawberry jam, and it will be vital for me to know what international agency regulated it's recipe. Here's to a new week!

Take that anatomy

It is Friday. And as I type I am sitting in front of my very neglected TV, in my comfy pants, relishing in this rare night of relaxation. We had two exams this week. That's a good thing and a bad thing. Bad because its a horrific week of study study study with NO downtime. I study every night anyway so adding a test (or two) into the mix really adds on a lot of time and effort. If you stop studying for all the other courses and only focus on the test material, you fall helplessly behind. So, unfortunately the only thing you can do is add more study time onto your already overstuffed schedule. I tried to utilize ANY downtime I have during the day to study for an exam. This keeps my night-time routine pretty much the same. Plus, at least for anatomy a big part of the studying has to be done at school, so doing it during down times is just convenient. Luckily we had more downtime than usual this week, a few cancelled meetings, and one class rescheduled for next week. I did have to spend a few hours staying late, but overall it's worth the extra time to ensure confidence on test day. I felt pretty confident about both exams, and though I don't know yet, I feel pretty good about my potential grade on each.

The good part about having two exams in one week: after you take an exam--if you've studied, you are completely caught up for that class. No lingering studying, worksheets, dissection...all caught up. It's a rare thing but a good feeling. AND, because I did a decent (not great but decent) job of keeping up with my other coursework, I am pretty caught up overall. I do have a little work to do tomorrow (probably only about 6 hours worth, half the usual weekend study-a-thon) and I am taking tonight off! The key is to maintain your usual schedule and add extra hours where you can, do any worksheets or "busy work" as soon as possible after it is assigned (because you will forget it until 10 minutes before it's due, I promise) and just buckle down and do it!

Today's test was large animal anatomy. An inordinate amount of rumors from the second year class floated around about this course in our preparation for the exam. Apparently the class ahead of us had a really rough time in Large animal anatomy and wanted to pass along their displeasure. And, as rumors will do they amplified, and turned and twisted, and got us really really scared about this exam. That too turned out to be a good thing. We were so worked up about how potentially hard this exam could be, we WAAAY overstudied. I promise I can tell you everything about everything regarding the equine neck and thoracic limb. As always there were a few questions that I was unsure of the answer. It wasn't that I didn't know the answer, or missed studying that topic, just that the question was unclear or the tag on the cadaver was really obscure. Like I said, I feel overall pretty good about the whole thing, I guess we'll see on Monday.

It was a long and tiring week, but I think the work I put in paid off. Keeping up with things nightly and not getting behind is a chore, and often not the way I want to spend every evening, but in the end it's worth it. A huge majority of my class is folding fast under the pressure of this semester. We were told from the beginning that this would be our hardest semester. I am tired, but not overwhelmed and stressed. I am hoping that won't hit me. But, we're only 3 weeks in, 13 more to go. Until next week starts, I'm catching up on trashy reality TV.

Goat wrangling

Yesterday was another one of our "clinical" cases. This is a graded assignment in which the clinicians "pretend" to be clients and we "pretend" (or totally fake our way through) to be doctors and we work through a case as a group. Then we type up our "S.O.A.P" or list of potential problems/diagnoses/plan for treatment and turn it in for a grade. We cycle through four of these assignments in first year, each one a different species. I did a horse and a cat last semester so this time it was my group's turn for the goat. While I do have a relatively impressive "farm animal" background, I know absolutely NOTHING about goat medicine. I do know quite a bit about sheep, things like: they have no will to live, they will eat anything electric within 50 feet of them, they can die from a disease known in lay terms as "overeating disease" (yes they literally eat themselves to death), they should usually have twins, and never never never get in a confined box with a pissed off ram...but that's another story for another day. The goat case was interesting. We are getting better at pretending to be doctors, and our classes are definitely starting to sink in. We know more than we did last semester, and for the most part we can intelligently answer questions when asked (about stuff we know). I was the only person in my group brave enough to retrieve our goat from it's pen with it's "roommates" (if you know the ram story you're probably impressed that I would ever attempt this again). I picked the smallest goat in the pen, just intelligence if you ask me, in case it decided to throw a fit and I would have to wrestle it...the way everyone else was. This poor goat must have known I was prepared for all her antics. She just stood quietly, let me pick her up, never bawled, never really even tried to get away. She was perfectly sweet for over an hour while we all poked and prodded her, I wanted to take her home.

Overall, I really enjoy these little case study days. Its a way to put everything we currently know into some useful format. And a way to work with live animals and clinicians that actually practice. I have a good group too, except for one. This particular individual is not my favorite person, I've never been very fond. (for discretion sake I'll just say "Billy") Billy is a kiss ass, he is always asking questions in class just to show the lecturer that he knew enough about the topic to ask that question, and most of the time his nose is so far embedded in ones crack he could probably tell what they had for lunch. But, I digress... "Billy" was chosen to be the doctor that preformed the exam, to do so he needed a thermometer which he did not have, so I lent him mine. (Which I made a special trip to Target at lunch to get because my old one had been misplaced). Our clinician put us on the spot in the middle of the exam and wanted to grade us on who was prepared. He asked us all to show our stethoscopes, thermometers, pen lights and writing utensils. "Billy" never missed a beat and pulled out MY thermometer, pretending it was his, that he was prepared. Which left me standing there thermometerless looking like an unprepared imbecile. The clinician looked me in the eye (ready to dock my grade) and asked "Where's your thermometer?" "In Billy's hand" I replied. "He forgot his, and I was kind enough to lend him mine so that he wouldn't be unprepared for the exam" UUUGGGHHH!!! I know this is a little thing, it's just a thermometer, but I think it's the small things that people do that really show you who they are. Billy was ready to have me thrown under the bus just to save himself---over a thermometer! I didn't like him before, and I really don't like him now. But, in the Christian spirit, I've got another 3 years with him, so I better just get over it and try to find some endearing quality in him.

Today we started rounds again. This is my favorite thing about Wednesday's and I am committed to going on a more regular basis than I did last semester. As I stood today listening to the clinician go over each case in the food ward, I was astounded at how much I have learned since last semester. I would have been totally lost this time last fall with the cases that were in the hospital. Today, not only was I able to follow what was being presented and how it was treated, I was able to answer questions and form intelligent one's of my own. Good to know all this information is actually sticking somewhere--if I just knew where, I could access it on a more regular basis.

And my favorite thing so far about this week...the calf that was in the hospital today. She was a mastitis calf and severely malnourished, she had to have a ruminal fluid transfer among other procedures. She was about 6 weeks old, but only looked a few days old. She was soooo small but overall doing very well. She wasn't doing well on milk and therefore had to be transitioned to roughage (hence the ruminal fluid transfer). She was bright, alert, healthy probably for the first time in her whole life, and completely un-phased by 15 vet students standing around her pen watching her "chew cud". She just stood, staring at us like, "Hey, what're y'all doin?" I loved her. Generally, we don't name food animals, they are profit not pets. But I'm pretty sure she's just a pasture ornament anyway, and she was so darn cute I couldn't help it, I named her Ophelia.

Back in the saddle again...

First week down. New semester, new coursework, not much else is new, and I love it.

I always disliked the change in semester. New professors to meet, new standards, new buildings and classrooms to find, new people in your class, completely changed schedule. It took almost two weeks to adjust to the new-ness of the semester. The same is not true in vet school. Yes, we have new courses. But, they are taught by the same instructors we had last semester. Our classmates are still the same, I still sit in the same spot, same buildings, not much has changed. And it is so much easier. It's like returning to high school after Christmas break, a lot to talk about, but ultimately the same day in-day out business to take care of. There is a lot of comfort in that, it's not a complete shock to my system. On Tuesday it felt like I had never left, the semester was already "well broke".

The "minimal changes" effect has been quite positive for the way I am approaching this semester. While I do think I did a fairly good job last semester, I know there are huge areas in which I can improve. And, because so little has changed, I get a chance to do better this time around. I know it is only second semester, but I can totally see why everyone says that the first year is the hardest. It just takes getting used to, getting your feet wet, breaking in your saddle. (Mine's riding a little smoother already). I listed several lessons I learned from last semester during finals in December. I am taking those to heart along with a few more I thought up during the break.

Here are a few of my new "techniques for success" in 2nd semester

1. I don't have time to do it all in one day, menial tasks like making lunches, can all be done better over the weekend to save time (and enormous amounts of stress) during the week. I now make all of my lunches for the week on Sunday's. I simply eat the same thing 5 times then switch from week to week. This is a HUGE time saver, though it may not seem like that big of a deal. I simply have to grab baggies out of the fridge each morning rather than stress about how much time I have (and what ingredients) I have to put a meal together. And on the plus side it's great for a diet--if you pre-make healthy stuff, you'll eat it. I am also doing this for breakfast meals--pre-made for each morning. So far this is working out splendidly.

2. Laundry, cleaning and other household chores can mostly wait 'till the weekend

(Dishes is the one exception to the rule.Gross the next day) I simply force myself to finish the laundry, cleaning all the menial tasks on the weekend. This way I don't even have to give it a second thought during the week, it's already done. I do not function well at all with clutter or a dirty house so this is essential for starting my week off on the right foot.

3. Exercise

I have very very little time for this. But, I feel SOOOOO much better after. I simply have to run at least 4 times a week ( by run I mean slow jog). I stick to this not so much for the benefit of less poundage, but because I simply must have a way to release all that stress. When I use it to release stress and get some endorphins pumping, I have so much more motivation to actually do it. I commit 30 minutes to this each evening. I walk in the door, change clothes grab the dogs and hit the pavement, if I allow myself to do anything before then it simply won't get done, so I make it my first coming home priority. (Though I only got in 3 nights this week, it rained Thursday and Friday)

4. How to study.

This is the absolute biggest thing I learned last semester, and the reason I am so grateful we have the same instructors, I don't have to learn how to study all over again. I am so much more organized, and I know which areas to spend my time in. I allow 2 hours every evening (from 8-10) and any breaks I have in my day for studying. I make sure that I completely understand everything that was lectured on that day, and begin to commit it to memory. It makes the next day's lectures so much easier to follow. Again, I really felt like I did a pretty good job keeping up with this last semester, but, I really feel like I know where my weaknesses were and now I can improve on them. And, I spend as long as I need to on Saturday's to finish what I couldn't finish the previous week. I am trying to keep Sunday's completely free--relaxation time. This won't always work, we have Physiology tests on Monday's, so at least 3 Sunday's I will have to study. But hey, 13 out of 16 free Sunday's isn't bad.

5. Really get involved.

Last semester was largely spent figuring out the whole game. What in the hell I was doing, who to be friends with, how to spend my time, what clubs to join etc. Now that I feel like I have a little better grip on this thing called vet school (think holding a dead fish vs. trying to catch one with your bear hands) its time to really put myself out there and get involved. I am committed to spending some of my free time ( we have a 3 hour break on Wednesday's) hanging out in the clinics, getting to know the clinicians, and just being around things that are currently alive (though they don't always stay that way). I am also going to sign up for more things. I already signed up for a food animal production tour, a one week travel class at the end of the semester that I will get credit for. And going the the Houston Livestock show and assisting the vets there. After all, I think that is where the real "learning" will take place! "I never let my schooling interfere with my education"--Mark Twain.

So, that's how I plan to spend my next 15 weeks. We'll see how it goes. One of the biggest hurdles I will face is not getting stressed when I absolutely cannot stick to this schedule I set for myself. I think prioritizing and allowing myself a little leeway will be helpful. I'm back in the saddle again, this time it isn't chafing as bad.

P.S. I would love any organization/stress relieving tips that some of you might use/have used. Input is always nice. Plus I just love comments, I love to know just who reads my rantings.

Paying him back

During finals week I was pretty selfish. I said "Hi" and "Bye" to my husband but that's about all the conversation I could commit to. I received a Subway gift card from his mom, an absolutely incredible care package from him, and now my mom has gotten me a "post-finals stress massage" hallelujah! I saved half of my Subway gift card to share with him, and he appriciated that. I can't really share my massage, and he doesn't like/won't use most of the stuff he got me. The hard part is, he goes through this stress with me. Though he doesn't have to take the tests, he still feels the pressure and empathizes with me, in fact he even helped me study one night, reading the flash cards to me (until he got pissed that he couldn't decipher the latin words and greek letters--he thought it should all be in English). He didn't get a care package, because he "just has to work", which is true, but now I am done for a whole month, and he still has to work. He is taking a weeks worth of vacation this month (so excited for that!) But right now he still has to get up and work everyday while I sit at home making Christmas candy and watching daytime TV.

I have decided to make him a "care package" or "thank-you-for-being-so-freakin'-wonderful-I-don't-deserve-you" package. I need ideas on what to put in it, homemade cookies is as far as I've gotten. Post your ideas as comments, I could really use the help. And don't worry, he doesn't read this. He says, "You tell me every detail of your day anyway, why would I wanna read it too?"--thanks honey.

1/8th a Veterinarian

So, I did it! It's over, successfully. I completed my first semester of vet school without a hitch...or much of one.

Finals week was seriously brutal. It was perhaps the most stressful event in my life to date, and the stress of it snuck up on me, I didn't realize quite how stressed I was until it was too late. I had been studying for these finals since the day after Thanksgiving. (Well, really all semester since they're cumulative) The week before finals I was studiously looking over my notes every night, preparing flash cards and basically doing pre-study studying. Stuff like organizing notes, making flashcards, highlighting important old material, correcting old exams, stuff that doesn't actually commit any of the information into my brain, but does make it easier for me to do so. Sunday, the day before my first final on Monday I really began to hit it hard. I spent each previous day, about 10 hours worth (not exhaggurating here) preparing for the next day's impending exam. I got absolutely no house cleaning done, I only cooked supper once, my dogs don't know who I am anymore, and my husband is feeling seriously neglected.

The histology final (the first one) was the easiest exam I have taken all year. I walked out feeling confident that I probably secured my "A" in that class. The next day was physiology. After our last wreck of an exam I was pretty nervous about this test. I prepared for days and spent a TON of time and effort on it the night before. Studying for these tests is super high anxiety. You could be asked ANYTHING from the entire semester, and a semester's worth of material in vet school is equivalent to a year's worth sometimes two in undergrad. I could have studied for weeks and still not known every small detail, how to work every dilution problem or how to decipher what exactly the question was asking. As you go through your notes, or study in a group, you start to really feel the pressure. You'll see a page of notes that you don't exactly remember, or the friends you study with with ask you a question on a topic you can't even remember discussing. Your stomach starts to turn, the lights get bright, the flop sweat begins and you sit thinking to yourself "I am never gonna know all of this, there's just no way." I finally bagged it up for the night and went to bed at a decent hour (Midnight is about as decent as it gets during finals). I know that I am not one who can "pull an all nighter". Not having sleep for me is as bad as not studying. I can get as little as 5 hours and still make it, but that is my breaking point, and 5 hours was about the most I got all week long. I went in to take the exam, armed with my flashcards for last minute review and was feeling pretty confident, until he passed out the exam...the hardest exam I have ever taken in my life. I am still not sure how I could have studied for 2 weeks, really committed myself to learning, and UNDERSTANDING the information and still not have understood 45 out of 50 questions. I did my absolute best, turned in the exam and cried the whole way home. I was really starting to feel the pressure now, apparently that histology final was just a "teaser". I took a 30 minute nap tried to snap myself out of it, but I just couldn't study for immunology, my brain would not stop spinning. I decided to go for a run, something I have been neglecting all semester. After about 2 miles, my head was clear again, I felt like I could breathe and I had renewed energy to hit the books again. Tuesday is also when the nausea started. After the physiology exam I wasn't able to really eat again until Thursday. Not sure why this happened, so much stress that I wasn't paying attention to I'm sure. I just couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I could only study and take exams...it got pretty brutal. The other two exams actually went off without a hitch. I took my immunology final, felt pretty good about it and went to start studying for my anatomy final (the big one). I think the hardest part about finals is that even when one test is over, you can't relax or even have any downtime, you just have to start studying immediately for the next one. I tried to eat again on Wednesday, but the stress of the impending anatomy final made it impossible again, damn this was really starting to suck.

In the end I did pretty well on all of my exams except physiology. (No one did though, we had the same failing average on this exam as the last one, excellent) I haven't gotten my grade back in anatomy yet but I do think that there is a (slim) possibility I pulled off my Christmas miracle and finished with an "A". That would be such a welcome surprise, as it would cancel out the "C" I got in physiology. I wish I could be more disappointed in myself for the "C", but I'm just not. The truth is I worked as hard as I knew how to get that grade. I am not failing and a "C" in vet school is pretty damn good. Most of my classmates were excited to have "C's" and I think I would be selling myself short if I didn't honor all the hard work and stress I went through to get that "C". I have a "B" in immunology, exactly what I expected, perhaps an "A" in histology and maybe just maybe Santa will bring me my "A" in anatomy. That would be 4 A's 1 B and a C...pretty sure I can live with that.

I learned some really important lessons this semester and this past week:

1. Make note cards and study aids through the whole semester and SAVE them for the final, it would've been so much easier to just pull out old note cards rather than have to make them all over again.

2. Study old exams, if it was important the first time, its probably gonna be important again

3. RUN! I need to commit myself to running again at least 3 times a week. I had forgotten just how much I love it, and what an awesome stress reliever it is. More importantly, I think it will help prevent stress before it strikes

4. Physiology is hard, and you can never know enough to be prepared for an exam

5. I need to have my own textbooks, not borrowed copies so that I feel comfortable writing and highlighting in them

6. My husband is the best ever ( I already knew this but he keeps proving it to me over and over)

7. Finals are hard and stressful, I need to be proactive about the stress next time to keep it from sneaking up and striking before it's too late

8. It feels GREAT!!!!! to be done!

Ahhhh Finals

Forgive me if I haven't been the frequent and dedicated poster as of late. It seems that it's finals season and I am consistently feeling under-prepared no matter how much I study. I am writing this as a hiatus from the 7 hour histology marathon I have just preformed sitting on my couch. I am tired, my brain is mush, and tomorrow is only our FIRST final. Three more to follow. Awesome. I keep trying to tell myself everything is going to be fine. My grades are in no jeopardy of failing and I mostly just have to get "B"s to keep my "B"s (I know you're shocked "B"s again) But there are several classes--ok all but one, where if I perform a test miracle and do what I haven't done all year I might actually pull out an "A" for the course. Histology, I currently have an "A" and would like to keep it. Anatomy and Physiology...it is technically possible for me to get an "A" but it is going to require a miracle come test day. I'm not sure that I am tough enough to force myself to do the kind of studying required to pull that miracle off, or that even if I did commit myself to that study-lashing, that it would translate on an exam. Lord knows it hasn't all year. Immunology an A is just simply out of reach, looks like I am getting a "B" pretty much no matter what. (well, I could fail this final and I think that would bring me down to a C) Somehow this is comforting I don't feel unbelievable pressure to do well on this exam, and I have comfortable breathing room to keep my "B". I like that feeling.

I helped a friend from undergrad study for his anatomy final the other day. It was such an eye opener. First, not only can I recall previous anatomy information, it pretty much comes second nature to me now, who knew it would actually seep in and stick? Second, there is such a HUGE difference in preparing for undergraduate exams and vet school exams. I hadn't really noticed it until that day but there is such a major difference in commitment level. I used to be like my undergrad friend, only memorizing the information I knew I needed long enough to do well on an exam. Not taking the time to truly understand the information, or let those seeds of knowledge percolate into my cerebrum, just rouge memorization. Now, it is made abundantly clear to us that not only do we have to know the information we are asked, we have to be able to integrate it from class to class, and remember it from semester to semester. (We can now be tested cumulatively from semester to semester, which means I could be asked something in third year from this semester--holy crap) Turns out they really want us to know this stuff, like we might actually have to use it later or something.

It simply amazes me just how much I have learned this semester. I truly think it is the equivalent of probably 2 entire years of undergrad jammed into one semester. Good news is, I like it, I still like it. And, although I am beyond ready for Christmas break, I still really love vet school, and for the first time I am able to say I only have 3.5 years left instead of 4. Ahhhh, I'm getting there.

To leave you on a nice note...I was having a simple conversation with Husband the other day about how I felt really left out when all my classmates received care packages for finals. (Ok, maybe I was whining a little) I have never been the recipient of said "care packages". My roommates and classmates in undergrad always used to receive them and I pretended not to be jealous, but this time it was hard to hold my jealousy in (I should work on that). The very next day Husband showed up at school prepared to take me on a surprise lunch date (love that) in the car he had waiting for me the best care package in existence. Good luck balloons, pens, pencils, highlighters, candy, cokes, snacks, bubble gum, post-its, and party poppers to pop after each exam is finished. He is truly so incredibly amazing, most days I'm not sure I deserve him. Then several days later in the mail, I received a Subway gift card from my mother in- law so I wouldn't have to worry about lunch during finals and could still eat healthy, how great is that? I am blessed beyond words and should really stop my jealous whines...my care packages were better anyway--no one else got balloons!

Forgive my truancy from this blog over the next few days, it seems my time is better focused in another direction. WISH ME LUCK!!!

My first fail

So there it is right out there in the title...my first failure. Yup, I did it, I failed an exam. Got a big ol' 60. Nice, Kaki, Nice. But lets be fair shall we...everyone failed. Ok, well not everyone but out of 132 of us only 30 passed the exam, the odds weren't good.

This is our last week of general exams, it can't go by fast enough. And this epic failure exam was this Monday. Let's start from the beginning. This exam material was taught by a new professor that taught the same (vascular physiology in case you're interested) material last year. And last year the material had to be re-taught because the students didn't learn it. I know what you're asking...why let her teach it again? No idea, second chances, torture, humor...no idea. Either way, turns out we didn't know it. And I felt like I did. As much as I really didn't want to (and trust me I didn't, I need a break really badly right now) I did study this weekend, I worked hard and when I had to explain the concepts to others, I really felt like I grasped the material. I felt pretty good going into the exam. As good as I ever feel, mostly I was just determined to not get the same "B" I always get, that is starting to get really frustrating. As I started reading the exam I do the same thing I always do, read all the questions, answer the one's I'm sure of, mark the one's I have NO idea and know that the answer will never come to me (I probably never knew it, so no use wasting time) these are my "eenie meenie monie moe" questions. Then I spend the majority of my time on the questions that I need to reason through, or really think about. This is usually a good strategy, it works well when I know a lot of the answers. The physiology exam is always 25 questions. I recieved the exam and marked 15 of the questions as "eenie meenie monie moe" not a good sign. I went back later and thought, "ok, maybe I can reason through some of these." Apparently that was not the case. The questions were so far out of left field, so complicated and so much stuff I had never seen before I never had a chance. (Just an example: "What happens with respect to mean arterial pressure, left ventricular contraction force and total peripheral resistance after an alpha 1 agonist is administered and the barorecptor responds, chemoreceptors may or may not come into play") I did the best I could, thought maybe I guessed well and turned in my exam. Everyone else pretty much shared the same feelings about that exam..."What was that?!?"

All in all I am remarkably unphased by my grade on this exam. Perhaps it's because I pretty much have the same grade as everyone else, and a little part of me is just glad I didn't get the same 84% I have had all semester (at least I am capable of something else). To my knowledge this is the first time I have ever failed an exam (maybe a spelling test in 2nd grade?) I thought it would be an earth shattering moment, that I would cry and scream and there would be gnashing of teeth (ok, maybe not that bad). But, as it turns out the earth keeps spinning, life goes on and my overall grade, while it was SIGNIFICANTLY effected, is still a "B". Looks like the "A" I wanted is out of the question, but it's hard to complain about a "B"--a grade I am more than used to.

We are still waiting for some discussion on this exam. The class average fell 20 points after one test, this basically means we are not stupid, the material was just not presented well. We're hoping for a curve or a make-up or something. But so far nothing, we are just stuck with this crappy grade (that I don't think is all my fault) oh well, I have decided to just take it and move on.

On another note, say prayers that I will make it through the week. I need a break very very badly. I have never been quite so ready for Thanksgiving before. I can't even see to Christmas, just ready for a small hiatus that will not be filled with dobutamine, T regulatory cells, and terminal alveoli...uggggghh! It is becoming increasingly hard to get out of bed, almost impossible to study and down right difficult to pay attention in lecture. I have 2 more exams on Friday, both of which constitute a major portion of my grade, so I should get off this thing and hit the books---maybe just maybe I'll make it to Saturday!

Won't be the last time

I did a really stupid thing today, I like to have amputated my finger. I was simply cleaning up after anatomy lab and grabbed the wrong end of my scalpel handle to clean it. I didn't know I had it "blade end up" but I did and I grabbed it and pulled with a paper towel in my hand to clean it off. Needless to say the blade went right through the paper towel, my glove and a significant portion of my finger. It hurt like the dickens and I bled like a stuck pig. And to make matters even more eventful for the afternoon ('cause cleaning up the blood had me pretty much occupied) my instructor insisted that I go to the campus health center to make sure I hadn't cut a tendon and to get stitches if necessary. And of course they were so worried about my blood loss (which really wasn't all that bad) the instructors wouldn't let me drive myself.

I really wanted to just head down to the food animal ward and let Dr. Pig take care of my gash--but I was forced to go to an actual HUMAN physician. Great. Actually, they were pretty nice. And they got me in and out relatively quickly (probably because I was bleeding all over their waiting room). The doctor did think I needed stitches, but I declined. It'll heel fine, I'll take it like a woman.

My classmates were great about it, and luckily found it as funny as I did, well after the blood was cleaned up and the pain subsided. The best part of the whole incident was when the nurse at the school health center insisted that I could potentially have been infected with rabies from a dog cadaver that has been soaking in formalin for the last 6 months. I kept trying to explain to her that really wasn't a possibility, and either way I had been vaccinated. But it didn't really sink in until the actual doctor told her that I was lucky, formalin kills damn near everything so it was actually a pretty clean cut. Excellent. The whole event ended well, no stitches and I'm still rabies free! While this is the first time I have tried to amputate my own digits, I can see from here that this probably won't be the last stupid accident I have during vet school. Here's to holding the scalpel by the blunt end!

from the backside

As promised, from yesterday...

I spent last Saturday morning in a wet lab in the large animal hospital. (a Very Very early Halloween Saturday morning) Each organization or club in school holds a "wet lab" in which the members are taught how to do various things we'll need to know someday. They are always different, and sometimes they allow non members to attend for a small fee. The internal medicine wet lab this year (a club to which I do not belong) was palpating cattle, exsanguination, ultrasound and simple cattle diagnostics. I remember hearing the announcement for the lab, as a light came down from heaven and a booming voice said "Kaki, this is your lab...you should go" Ok, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic but I was really really excited. So excited in fact that I begged husband for the $10 it would put us out. And yes, he asked the same question many of you are asking..."You want to PAY money to put your arm up a cow's ass?" well umm... yes! My reply was simple, "Yes, right now I have to pay money to learn how to do it, so that someday people will pay me to do it for them." This apparently made sense to him, and I could see the dollar signs in his eyes start to zing by like a slot machine, he handed me the $10 and told me he didn't really want to know the details.

So, I'll share them with y'all. I know you're just dying to know. The lab was fantastic, held by one of my favorite doctors in the food animal wing, and a new doctor I met that was so fantastic, he reminded me so much of my granddad I wanted to pack him in my luggage and take him home to Thanksgiving. (ok, not really but he was pretty great) Basically, we gloved up and put our entire arm in the cows rectum. Not just for fun mind you, or to violate some unsuspecting cow, there is actual clinical significance for doing this. This procedure is most often done to check and see if a cow is pregnant. From inside the cow you can feel the uterus, descending aorta, kidneys, and a whole slew of other organs. These were Holstein cattle and were pretty used to this procedure. It was pretty easy for us to feel everything we needed to feel because these were "open" cows, or cows that are not currently pregnant. I know it may sound disgusting, in fact I had a friend ask how long it took me to mentally prepare myself for sticking my arm...there. I found this a really odd question. In my world most of us would jump at the opportunity to palpate cattle, not even think twice about it. When she asked this it made me see how odd this whole thing must seem from the outside looking in. I think she was a little sick to her stomach, I need to remember not everyone appreciates my stories--especially while eating.

Overall, the lab was amazing. I did actually feel a cows uterus, and descending aorta which is an incredible feeling. Not something that is easily (or ever for that matter) done on a dog. And again after only seeing dead animals for weeks upon end, it was really nice to have a live one. I learned how to exsanguinate (my fancy new word for "draw blood" that I am intent on using) from a tail vein, and I was good at it. And I ultrasounded a cow's heart--and I found it before the clinician could.

Even after all the hands on stuff my favorite part came from two simple conversations. First, Dr. Grandpa helped me draw blood from the tail vein, he explained it very carefully and then just let me at it. I hit the vein the first try and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. "Good job," he said "you're a natural" It was probably the highlight of my day. And the second conversation was between my favorite clinician and a group of touring high school students and their parents. They just happened to have the fortune (good or bad was their decision) to be walking through the hospital as we were arm deep in cattle. Some were disgusted others intrigued. Not being shy Dr. Pig walks over and invites them in. He explained what we were doing and why. One of the parents asked "These are students? You let the students do this kind of stuff?" I simply would have replied "yeah, this is vet SCHOOL how else do you think we learn how?" Instead Dr. Pig responded with my favorite response this semester "Yes, they are students but we look at them as veterinarians, they can and are allowed to do whatever the Doctors can in this hospital, sometimes they just need guidance. When they graduate, they just get to put doctor in front of their name." I wanted to hug him right there, but I thought it would be inappropriate with a glove covered in cow shit on my arm.

It's days like this that make 4 hour anatomy exams, histology and all the countless hours of sitting in lecture worth it. Knowing that in just 3 1/2 short years I will be officially done, and doing this kind of stuff every day. And just so you know, yes I washed my hands...twice.

P.S. If you click on the title to this blog, there is a fun article about a "new" way to teach us how to do this.

oh my it's been too long

So as it seems I have been neglecting this little outlet for sometime now, but with the fury of things in the last few weeks it just hasn't really been feasible.

I guess I'll start with exams, we had our third round of exams set out over these last three weeks. At the beginning of the semester I thought that exams would be better timed if they were one or perhaps two a week at most...turns out I was wrong, dead wrong. Though it does give you more time to study, it also gives you more time to put off studying (which thankfully I haven't done too much of) and mostly it gives you more time to worry about how much you don't know.

Here's the thing I hate most about exams...all the other people taking them. Don't get me wrong I love my classmates, but it is very hard to feel confident around them sometimes. There is an insane amount of material we have to cover for each exam (about 100-150 pages of notes per class per exam) and no matter what you do, or how hard you try you just simply cannot know everything, ok well at least I can't. We study a lot in groups and this tends to be pretty effective, though I have only one close friend that I really study well with. The problem with studying in groups is that you quickly realize there were a few things you missed, (ok, sometimes more than a few). I'll be studying with my "study buddy" and some one will interrupt and say "Hey, can you point out the iliolumbar arteries," WHAT?!? What are those? I don't remember those? When did we go over that? And then panic starts to set in that there is a whole bucketload of material I missed. The truth is I am usually pretty well prepared for exams, and I have just resigned myself to the fact that I will never get a perfect score on an exam, I will never know EVERYTHING. And how could I--there is just so much to learn. Take for instance the last histology exam, mostly over the eye, ear and digestive system. Not so bad right, well...throw in the avian crop, ventriculus and proventriculus, the carnivore special stomach, the rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum of ruminants, and pigs--they're just a whole different story. Thats where it gets complicated. I've said it before, it's not the actual course work that is so difficult, it is simply the shear volume of material.

But, while I have resigned to knowing that I will probably never get a perfect score on an exam, I haven't just given up and decided to only strive "get by". My grades are ok, I have straight "B's" and no matter how hard I work I cannot seem to do better than that. This has been incredibly frustrating for me. I can study for 10 hours or 40 (this is not really exaggerated numbers, I have probably studied close to 40 hours for an exam before) and my grade will only get better by one or two points--what the hell. I work my tail off and have nothing to show for it. I feel like my grades should be a direct relationship with the amount of time I spend studying--a linear graph if you will. This whole thing had me so upset that I made and appointment with my faculty mentor. My frustration was with whether or not to just "give up" and decide that a "B" is the best that I can do (ouch! that hurts, I have never had to say that before) or to keep killing myself just to get an "A" (after all does it really matter anyway?). He was great and basically told me that I was not the first person to encounter this, and that it is actually very common. And not to resign myself to just getting a "B". He told me that usually something clicks, my study habits, my schedule, the information, whatever it is clicks and the amount of time I put in will start equating with better grades. I loved this advice...though I don't love having to work so freakin hard for these grades. CLICK ALREADY!!!

So, I took the last of this series of exams today. A four hour anatomy exam, and I am pooped. Burnt out and soooo ready for Thanksgiving break. Hopefully, my week worth of studying will translate into my first "A" in anatomy. I am really looking forward to this weekend where no imminent studying will mock me from my office (though I do have several things I need to catch up on). I can sleep in, clean house, and play with my dogs for a change. What are their names again? And, perhaps, I will do a little updating on here. 'Cause there is a whole lot to catch up on. Tomorrow, look for my next post...what the inside of a cow feels like from the backside. (See I told you I had a lot to catch up on!)