and all at once it hit me...

Others in my class have been complaining for a while that this semester was harder than the previous one, that they were feeling overwhelmed and that this was gonna be a tough one. Until last week, I hadn't thought that, then all at once it hit.

Last week was a complete blur. I volunteered to host an Italian veterinary student that was visiting with other students from her school for a week. I stupidly offered to do this before I knew confirmed dates that they would be here, and because we were told they spoke english...they LIED. Had I known it would have been last week, I would have politely declined. I had 3 exams last week, a project due and NO TIME FOR ANY OF IT!!! On top of all that the Italian students expected that we (their hosts) were going to not only be their shuttle to and from school, but also their social director after class and well into the night, that's a job in itself. Add to that shuttling six of them to the mall, restaurants, and different clubs when none of them speak english and you must translate into a language that you don't speak (can you see the stress level rising? My eyebrow is starting to twitch just remembering it) I didn't get home before 11:30 any night last week, and when you rise at 5:30, that starts to get really really old. On top of not getting in until 11:30, I still had to study for the next exam. I was beyond exhausted by Wednesday of last week and I had a breakdown on a good friend's front steps. My poor friend opened the door to let me in to study with her, I tried hard to conceal my tears, but as soon as she opened the door...the floodgates burst. She is such an awesome friend. She grabbed me, hugged me and then promptly handed me a glass of wine. As I sat in her kitchen, collecting myself she asked if I had eaten dinner. I started to cry again realizing that I had forgotten to eat (who does that?). "Great!" she said, "I will make you pancakes." I know, it sound really really odd--pancakes and wine, but it was the best dinner I had all week. And for that particular night, just what the doctor ordered. I felt better after only 2 pancakes and 1 glass of wine. I even got a little studying done that evening. It was a trying week, I had another breakdown on Thursday, this time over the phone to my Mom. I sound flippant about this now, in hindsight it is comical, but it takes EXTREME pressure to send me to my breaking point, and to do it twice in one week was just unheard of. (I only had a mini-breakdown during finals last semester) To add to the extreme stress, husband was out of town for the majority of the week, overseeing repairs to our home in Houston. I was all alone...except the Italian of course. (Which, just to be clear was perfectly adorable. She brought me special pasta, sauce and a bottle of olive oil her family makes...wow! None of this was really her fault, just bad communication and poor timing.) Oh, yeah did I mention the power steering in my car went out around Wednesday? Awesome.

The tests did not go well. But, on the bright side, they didn't go well for anyone (I'll pretend that's the bright side). I wasn't alone in my "whelming" we were collectively feeling the pressure. My final test of the week was an exam in a 1 hour course called "Public Health". The course deals with zoonotic diseases (diseases people can catch from animals) and how we report them, what agency handles the report and other important information. The exam was a complete joke. Rather than test us on important veterinary concepts, he chose to test us on "The international agency that would oversee the recipe for strawberry jam" (not kidding, direct quote) There was also a question regarding sardines, ham and I think one about edible shell eggs. I have no idea how or why this fits into veterinary medicine. But, you never know, maybe I'll regret not paying attention when a sick sardine comes into my clinic. (I'm still bitter, can ya tell?)

The good news is...its over. This week is a new week. I got some much needed rest this weekend, and caught up on some studying, though I still have a lot more to do. (when do I not?) I went running tonight to prevent any building stress for the week, and after our exam tomorrow we will no longer have embryology, one whole class knocked out for the semester. (though it is being replaced with a tougher class) I am glad I got through last week, at some points I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. I learned some very important lessons, 1. never offer to host another student before you know EXACTLY what you are getting yourself into. 2. you can never study enough for microbiology 3. Apparently, I might one day treat a sick jar of strawberry jam, and it will be vital for me to know what international agency regulated it's recipe. Here's to a new week!

Take that anatomy

It is Friday. And as I type I am sitting in front of my very neglected TV, in my comfy pants, relishing in this rare night of relaxation. We had two exams this week. That's a good thing and a bad thing. Bad because its a horrific week of study study study with NO downtime. I study every night anyway so adding a test (or two) into the mix really adds on a lot of time and effort. If you stop studying for all the other courses and only focus on the test material, you fall helplessly behind. So, unfortunately the only thing you can do is add more study time onto your already overstuffed schedule. I tried to utilize ANY downtime I have during the day to study for an exam. This keeps my night-time routine pretty much the same. Plus, at least for anatomy a big part of the studying has to be done at school, so doing it during down times is just convenient. Luckily we had more downtime than usual this week, a few cancelled meetings, and one class rescheduled for next week. I did have to spend a few hours staying late, but overall it's worth the extra time to ensure confidence on test day. I felt pretty confident about both exams, and though I don't know yet, I feel pretty good about my potential grade on each.

The good part about having two exams in one week: after you take an exam--if you've studied, you are completely caught up for that class. No lingering studying, worksheets, dissection...all caught up. It's a rare thing but a good feeling. AND, because I did a decent (not great but decent) job of keeping up with my other coursework, I am pretty caught up overall. I do have a little work to do tomorrow (probably only about 6 hours worth, half the usual weekend study-a-thon) and I am taking tonight off! The key is to maintain your usual schedule and add extra hours where you can, do any worksheets or "busy work" as soon as possible after it is assigned (because you will forget it until 10 minutes before it's due, I promise) and just buckle down and do it!

Today's test was large animal anatomy. An inordinate amount of rumors from the second year class floated around about this course in our preparation for the exam. Apparently the class ahead of us had a really rough time in Large animal anatomy and wanted to pass along their displeasure. And, as rumors will do they amplified, and turned and twisted, and got us really really scared about this exam. That too turned out to be a good thing. We were so worked up about how potentially hard this exam could be, we WAAAY overstudied. I promise I can tell you everything about everything regarding the equine neck and thoracic limb. As always there were a few questions that I was unsure of the answer. It wasn't that I didn't know the answer, or missed studying that topic, just that the question was unclear or the tag on the cadaver was really obscure. Like I said, I feel overall pretty good about the whole thing, I guess we'll see on Monday.

It was a long and tiring week, but I think the work I put in paid off. Keeping up with things nightly and not getting behind is a chore, and often not the way I want to spend every evening, but in the end it's worth it. A huge majority of my class is folding fast under the pressure of this semester. We were told from the beginning that this would be our hardest semester. I am tired, but not overwhelmed and stressed. I am hoping that won't hit me. But, we're only 3 weeks in, 13 more to go. Until next week starts, I'm catching up on trashy reality TV.

Goat wrangling

Yesterday was another one of our "clinical" cases. This is a graded assignment in which the clinicians "pretend" to be clients and we "pretend" (or totally fake our way through) to be doctors and we work through a case as a group. Then we type up our "S.O.A.P" or list of potential problems/diagnoses/plan for treatment and turn it in for a grade. We cycle through four of these assignments in first year, each one a different species. I did a horse and a cat last semester so this time it was my group's turn for the goat. While I do have a relatively impressive "farm animal" background, I know absolutely NOTHING about goat medicine. I do know quite a bit about sheep, things like: they have no will to live, they will eat anything electric within 50 feet of them, they can die from a disease known in lay terms as "overeating disease" (yes they literally eat themselves to death), they should usually have twins, and never never never get in a confined box with a pissed off ram...but that's another story for another day. The goat case was interesting. We are getting better at pretending to be doctors, and our classes are definitely starting to sink in. We know more than we did last semester, and for the most part we can intelligently answer questions when asked (about stuff we know). I was the only person in my group brave enough to retrieve our goat from it's pen with it's "roommates" (if you know the ram story you're probably impressed that I would ever attempt this again). I picked the smallest goat in the pen, just intelligence if you ask me, in case it decided to throw a fit and I would have to wrestle it...the way everyone else was. This poor goat must have known I was prepared for all her antics. She just stood quietly, let me pick her up, never bawled, never really even tried to get away. She was perfectly sweet for over an hour while we all poked and prodded her, I wanted to take her home.

Overall, I really enjoy these little case study days. Its a way to put everything we currently know into some useful format. And a way to work with live animals and clinicians that actually practice. I have a good group too, except for one. This particular individual is not my favorite person, I've never been very fond. (for discretion sake I'll just say "Billy") Billy is a kiss ass, he is always asking questions in class just to show the lecturer that he knew enough about the topic to ask that question, and most of the time his nose is so far embedded in ones crack he could probably tell what they had for lunch. But, I digress... "Billy" was chosen to be the doctor that preformed the exam, to do so he needed a thermometer which he did not have, so I lent him mine. (Which I made a special trip to Target at lunch to get because my old one had been misplaced). Our clinician put us on the spot in the middle of the exam and wanted to grade us on who was prepared. He asked us all to show our stethoscopes, thermometers, pen lights and writing utensils. "Billy" never missed a beat and pulled out MY thermometer, pretending it was his, that he was prepared. Which left me standing there thermometerless looking like an unprepared imbecile. The clinician looked me in the eye (ready to dock my grade) and asked "Where's your thermometer?" "In Billy's hand" I replied. "He forgot his, and I was kind enough to lend him mine so that he wouldn't be unprepared for the exam" UUUGGGHHH!!! I know this is a little thing, it's just a thermometer, but I think it's the small things that people do that really show you who they are. Billy was ready to have me thrown under the bus just to save himself---over a thermometer! I didn't like him before, and I really don't like him now. But, in the Christian spirit, I've got another 3 years with him, so I better just get over it and try to find some endearing quality in him.

Today we started rounds again. This is my favorite thing about Wednesday's and I am committed to going on a more regular basis than I did last semester. As I stood today listening to the clinician go over each case in the food ward, I was astounded at how much I have learned since last semester. I would have been totally lost this time last fall with the cases that were in the hospital. Today, not only was I able to follow what was being presented and how it was treated, I was able to answer questions and form intelligent one's of my own. Good to know all this information is actually sticking somewhere--if I just knew where, I could access it on a more regular basis.

And my favorite thing so far about this week...the calf that was in the hospital today. She was a mastitis calf and severely malnourished, she had to have a ruminal fluid transfer among other procedures. She was about 6 weeks old, but only looked a few days old. She was soooo small but overall doing very well. She wasn't doing well on milk and therefore had to be transitioned to roughage (hence the ruminal fluid transfer). She was bright, alert, healthy probably for the first time in her whole life, and completely un-phased by 15 vet students standing around her pen watching her "chew cud". She just stood, staring at us like, "Hey, what're y'all doin?" I loved her. Generally, we don't name food animals, they are profit not pets. But I'm pretty sure she's just a pasture ornament anyway, and she was so darn cute I couldn't help it, I named her Ophelia.

Back in the saddle again...

First week down. New semester, new coursework, not much else is new, and I love it.

I always disliked the change in semester. New professors to meet, new standards, new buildings and classrooms to find, new people in your class, completely changed schedule. It took almost two weeks to adjust to the new-ness of the semester. The same is not true in vet school. Yes, we have new courses. But, they are taught by the same instructors we had last semester. Our classmates are still the same, I still sit in the same spot, same buildings, not much has changed. And it is so much easier. It's like returning to high school after Christmas break, a lot to talk about, but ultimately the same day in-day out business to take care of. There is a lot of comfort in that, it's not a complete shock to my system. On Tuesday it felt like I had never left, the semester was already "well broke".

The "minimal changes" effect has been quite positive for the way I am approaching this semester. While I do think I did a fairly good job last semester, I know there are huge areas in which I can improve. And, because so little has changed, I get a chance to do better this time around. I know it is only second semester, but I can totally see why everyone says that the first year is the hardest. It just takes getting used to, getting your feet wet, breaking in your saddle. (Mine's riding a little smoother already). I listed several lessons I learned from last semester during finals in December. I am taking those to heart along with a few more I thought up during the break.

Here are a few of my new "techniques for success" in 2nd semester

1. I don't have time to do it all in one day, menial tasks like making lunches, can all be done better over the weekend to save time (and enormous amounts of stress) during the week. I now make all of my lunches for the week on Sunday's. I simply eat the same thing 5 times then switch from week to week. This is a HUGE time saver, though it may not seem like that big of a deal. I simply have to grab baggies out of the fridge each morning rather than stress about how much time I have (and what ingredients) I have to put a meal together. And on the plus side it's great for a diet--if you pre-make healthy stuff, you'll eat it. I am also doing this for breakfast meals--pre-made for each morning. So far this is working out splendidly.

2. Laundry, cleaning and other household chores can mostly wait 'till the weekend

(Dishes is the one exception to the rule.Gross the next day) I simply force myself to finish the laundry, cleaning all the menial tasks on the weekend. This way I don't even have to give it a second thought during the week, it's already done. I do not function well at all with clutter or a dirty house so this is essential for starting my week off on the right foot.

3. Exercise

I have very very little time for this. But, I feel SOOOOO much better after. I simply have to run at least 4 times a week ( by run I mean slow jog). I stick to this not so much for the benefit of less poundage, but because I simply must have a way to release all that stress. When I use it to release stress and get some endorphins pumping, I have so much more motivation to actually do it. I commit 30 minutes to this each evening. I walk in the door, change clothes grab the dogs and hit the pavement, if I allow myself to do anything before then it simply won't get done, so I make it my first coming home priority. (Though I only got in 3 nights this week, it rained Thursday and Friday)

4. How to study.

This is the absolute biggest thing I learned last semester, and the reason I am so grateful we have the same instructors, I don't have to learn how to study all over again. I am so much more organized, and I know which areas to spend my time in. I allow 2 hours every evening (from 8-10) and any breaks I have in my day for studying. I make sure that I completely understand everything that was lectured on that day, and begin to commit it to memory. It makes the next day's lectures so much easier to follow. Again, I really felt like I did a pretty good job keeping up with this last semester, but, I really feel like I know where my weaknesses were and now I can improve on them. And, I spend as long as I need to on Saturday's to finish what I couldn't finish the previous week. I am trying to keep Sunday's completely free--relaxation time. This won't always work, we have Physiology tests on Monday's, so at least 3 Sunday's I will have to study. But hey, 13 out of 16 free Sunday's isn't bad.

5. Really get involved.

Last semester was largely spent figuring out the whole game. What in the hell I was doing, who to be friends with, how to spend my time, what clubs to join etc. Now that I feel like I have a little better grip on this thing called vet school (think holding a dead fish vs. trying to catch one with your bear hands) its time to really put myself out there and get involved. I am committed to spending some of my free time ( we have a 3 hour break on Wednesday's) hanging out in the clinics, getting to know the clinicians, and just being around things that are currently alive (though they don't always stay that way). I am also going to sign up for more things. I already signed up for a food animal production tour, a one week travel class at the end of the semester that I will get credit for. And going the the Houston Livestock show and assisting the vets there. After all, I think that is where the real "learning" will take place! "I never let my schooling interfere with my education"--Mark Twain.

So, that's how I plan to spend my next 15 weeks. We'll see how it goes. One of the biggest hurdles I will face is not getting stressed when I absolutely cannot stick to this schedule I set for myself. I think prioritizing and allowing myself a little leeway will be helpful. I'm back in the saddle again, this time it isn't chafing as bad.

P.S. I would love any organization/stress relieving tips that some of you might use/have used. Input is always nice. Plus I just love comments, I love to know just who reads my rantings.

Paying him back

During finals week I was pretty selfish. I said "Hi" and "Bye" to my husband but that's about all the conversation I could commit to. I received a Subway gift card from his mom, an absolutely incredible care package from him, and now my mom has gotten me a "post-finals stress massage" hallelujah! I saved half of my Subway gift card to share with him, and he appriciated that. I can't really share my massage, and he doesn't like/won't use most of the stuff he got me. The hard part is, he goes through this stress with me. Though he doesn't have to take the tests, he still feels the pressure and empathizes with me, in fact he even helped me study one night, reading the flash cards to me (until he got pissed that he couldn't decipher the latin words and greek letters--he thought it should all be in English). He didn't get a care package, because he "just has to work", which is true, but now I am done for a whole month, and he still has to work. He is taking a weeks worth of vacation this month (so excited for that!) But right now he still has to get up and work everyday while I sit at home making Christmas candy and watching daytime TV.

I have decided to make him a "care package" or "thank-you-for-being-so-freakin'-wonderful-I-don't-deserve-you" package. I need ideas on what to put in it, homemade cookies is as far as I've gotten. Post your ideas as comments, I could really use the help. And don't worry, he doesn't read this. He says, "You tell me every detail of your day anyway, why would I wanna read it too?"--thanks honey.

1/8th a Veterinarian

So, I did it! It's over, successfully. I completed my first semester of vet school without a hitch...or much of one.

Finals week was seriously brutal. It was perhaps the most stressful event in my life to date, and the stress of it snuck up on me, I didn't realize quite how stressed I was until it was too late. I had been studying for these finals since the day after Thanksgiving. (Well, really all semester since they're cumulative) The week before finals I was studiously looking over my notes every night, preparing flash cards and basically doing pre-study studying. Stuff like organizing notes, making flashcards, highlighting important old material, correcting old exams, stuff that doesn't actually commit any of the information into my brain, but does make it easier for me to do so. Sunday, the day before my first final on Monday I really began to hit it hard. I spent each previous day, about 10 hours worth (not exhaggurating here) preparing for the next day's impending exam. I got absolutely no house cleaning done, I only cooked supper once, my dogs don't know who I am anymore, and my husband is feeling seriously neglected.

The histology final (the first one) was the easiest exam I have taken all year. I walked out feeling confident that I probably secured my "A" in that class. The next day was physiology. After our last wreck of an exam I was pretty nervous about this test. I prepared for days and spent a TON of time and effort on it the night before. Studying for these tests is super high anxiety. You could be asked ANYTHING from the entire semester, and a semester's worth of material in vet school is equivalent to a year's worth sometimes two in undergrad. I could have studied for weeks and still not known every small detail, how to work every dilution problem or how to decipher what exactly the question was asking. As you go through your notes, or study in a group, you start to really feel the pressure. You'll see a page of notes that you don't exactly remember, or the friends you study with with ask you a question on a topic you can't even remember discussing. Your stomach starts to turn, the lights get bright, the flop sweat begins and you sit thinking to yourself "I am never gonna know all of this, there's just no way." I finally bagged it up for the night and went to bed at a decent hour (Midnight is about as decent as it gets during finals). I know that I am not one who can "pull an all nighter". Not having sleep for me is as bad as not studying. I can get as little as 5 hours and still make it, but that is my breaking point, and 5 hours was about the most I got all week long. I went in to take the exam, armed with my flashcards for last minute review and was feeling pretty confident, until he passed out the exam...the hardest exam I have ever taken in my life. I am still not sure how I could have studied for 2 weeks, really committed myself to learning, and UNDERSTANDING the information and still not have understood 45 out of 50 questions. I did my absolute best, turned in the exam and cried the whole way home. I was really starting to feel the pressure now, apparently that histology final was just a "teaser". I took a 30 minute nap tried to snap myself out of it, but I just couldn't study for immunology, my brain would not stop spinning. I decided to go for a run, something I have been neglecting all semester. After about 2 miles, my head was clear again, I felt like I could breathe and I had renewed energy to hit the books again. Tuesday is also when the nausea started. After the physiology exam I wasn't able to really eat again until Thursday. Not sure why this happened, so much stress that I wasn't paying attention to I'm sure. I just couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I could only study and take exams...it got pretty brutal. The other two exams actually went off without a hitch. I took my immunology final, felt pretty good about it and went to start studying for my anatomy final (the big one). I think the hardest part about finals is that even when one test is over, you can't relax or even have any downtime, you just have to start studying immediately for the next one. I tried to eat again on Wednesday, but the stress of the impending anatomy final made it impossible again, damn this was really starting to suck.

In the end I did pretty well on all of my exams except physiology. (No one did though, we had the same failing average on this exam as the last one, excellent) I haven't gotten my grade back in anatomy yet but I do think that there is a (slim) possibility I pulled off my Christmas miracle and finished with an "A". That would be such a welcome surprise, as it would cancel out the "C" I got in physiology. I wish I could be more disappointed in myself for the "C", but I'm just not. The truth is I worked as hard as I knew how to get that grade. I am not failing and a "C" in vet school is pretty damn good. Most of my classmates were excited to have "C's" and I think I would be selling myself short if I didn't honor all the hard work and stress I went through to get that "C". I have a "B" in immunology, exactly what I expected, perhaps an "A" in histology and maybe just maybe Santa will bring me my "A" in anatomy. That would be 4 A's 1 B and a C...pretty sure I can live with that.

I learned some really important lessons this semester and this past week:

1. Make note cards and study aids through the whole semester and SAVE them for the final, it would've been so much easier to just pull out old note cards rather than have to make them all over again.

2. Study old exams, if it was important the first time, its probably gonna be important again

3. RUN! I need to commit myself to running again at least 3 times a week. I had forgotten just how much I love it, and what an awesome stress reliever it is. More importantly, I think it will help prevent stress before it strikes

4. Physiology is hard, and you can never know enough to be prepared for an exam

5. I need to have my own textbooks, not borrowed copies so that I feel comfortable writing and highlighting in them

6. My husband is the best ever ( I already knew this but he keeps proving it to me over and over)

7. Finals are hard and stressful, I need to be proactive about the stress next time to keep it from sneaking up and striking before it's too late

8. It feels GREAT!!!!! to be done!

Ahhhh Finals

Forgive me if I haven't been the frequent and dedicated poster as of late. It seems that it's finals season and I am consistently feeling under-prepared no matter how much I study. I am writing this as a hiatus from the 7 hour histology marathon I have just preformed sitting on my couch. I am tired, my brain is mush, and tomorrow is only our FIRST final. Three more to follow. Awesome. I keep trying to tell myself everything is going to be fine. My grades are in no jeopardy of failing and I mostly just have to get "B"s to keep my "B"s (I know you're shocked "B"s again) But there are several classes--ok all but one, where if I perform a test miracle and do what I haven't done all year I might actually pull out an "A" for the course. Histology, I currently have an "A" and would like to keep it. Anatomy and Physiology...it is technically possible for me to get an "A" but it is going to require a miracle come test day. I'm not sure that I am tough enough to force myself to do the kind of studying required to pull that miracle off, or that even if I did commit myself to that study-lashing, that it would translate on an exam. Lord knows it hasn't all year. Immunology an A is just simply out of reach, looks like I am getting a "B" pretty much no matter what. (well, I could fail this final and I think that would bring me down to a C) Somehow this is comforting I don't feel unbelievable pressure to do well on this exam, and I have comfortable breathing room to keep my "B". I like that feeling.

I helped a friend from undergrad study for his anatomy final the other day. It was such an eye opener. First, not only can I recall previous anatomy information, it pretty much comes second nature to me now, who knew it would actually seep in and stick? Second, there is such a HUGE difference in preparing for undergraduate exams and vet school exams. I hadn't really noticed it until that day but there is such a major difference in commitment level. I used to be like my undergrad friend, only memorizing the information I knew I needed long enough to do well on an exam. Not taking the time to truly understand the information, or let those seeds of knowledge percolate into my cerebrum, just rouge memorization. Now, it is made abundantly clear to us that not only do we have to know the information we are asked, we have to be able to integrate it from class to class, and remember it from semester to semester. (We can now be tested cumulatively from semester to semester, which means I could be asked something in third year from this semester--holy crap) Turns out they really want us to know this stuff, like we might actually have to use it later or something.

It simply amazes me just how much I have learned this semester. I truly think it is the equivalent of probably 2 entire years of undergrad jammed into one semester. Good news is, I like it, I still like it. And, although I am beyond ready for Christmas break, I still really love vet school, and for the first time I am able to say I only have 3.5 years left instead of 4. Ahhhh, I'm getting there.

To leave you on a nice note...I was having a simple conversation with Husband the other day about how I felt really left out when all my classmates received care packages for finals. (Ok, maybe I was whining a little) I have never been the recipient of said "care packages". My roommates and classmates in undergrad always used to receive them and I pretended not to be jealous, but this time it was hard to hold my jealousy in (I should work on that). The very next day Husband showed up at school prepared to take me on a surprise lunch date (love that) in the car he had waiting for me the best care package in existence. Good luck balloons, pens, pencils, highlighters, candy, cokes, snacks, bubble gum, post-its, and party poppers to pop after each exam is finished. He is truly so incredibly amazing, most days I'm not sure I deserve him. Then several days later in the mail, I received a Subway gift card from my mother in- law so I wouldn't have to worry about lunch during finals and could still eat healthy, how great is that? I am blessed beyond words and should really stop my jealous whines...my care packages were better anyway--no one else got balloons!

Forgive my truancy from this blog over the next few days, it seems my time is better focused in another direction. WISH ME LUCK!!!